It’s been several
years, but I can remember it as though it was yesterday. I remember the
frenzied looks on their faces, the barrage of yelling voices and the veins
straining from their contorted faces and necks. I was alone, with my back
against the wall. I scanned the maze of the faces and tried to find a solution
of how to escape this estrogen filled jungle. To escape the hurtful words, the
faces red with anger, the beautiful women made ugly by their words, actions and
behavior. All I could think was: “Don’t let them see you cry. You have survived
worse; you will navigate this densely populated female infested lipstick
jungle. Don’t cry now, you will have time for that later.” So I stood my ground
and let them sink me deeper into the quicksand. I prayed for the floor to open
up and swallow me as they descended upon me. I was hurt that no one stood up
for me. I pleaded with my eyes for someone, anyone to step up and say enough
was enough. I looked at the other girls and realized they were just relived to
not be on the receiving end of the barrage of verbal abuse. A simple Weekend
afternoon meeting, turned into a full blown afternoon of terror and all I could
do was remind myself that this too shall pass. As soon as I left the room the
dam broke and I cried for three full days. My only vindication was that they
never saw me cry. How could the people that I wanted to bond with tear me to
pieces?
Fast forward to the
present and the feelings have been brought back to surface. I watched the
Basketball Wives Tahiti vacation fiasco and my eyes welled up with tears. I saw
the puffy tear stained face of Kesha and my wounds were fresh again. Grown
women tearing other grown women down for sport and pure entertainment value, what
a sad concept. I kept watching, hoping that one of the women would stand up for
the attacked. I kept hoping that this fragile and soft spoken woman would get a
chance that I never had, but just like me, she was not so lucky. I cried as her
bully took her personal effects and rendered her helpless. I once
read somewhere that “The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of great moral crisis, maintain their neutrality.” What happened to lifting
each other up? As I continued to watch the episode, my heartbreak continued…one
down, two more to go. Spies spreading slanderous gossip, bullies spewing venom
and those who had the ability to stop the attack became spectators of the hunt.
Three women seeking acceptance but were destined not to find solace because
they became the hunted.
Bullying is
real and many grown women have fallen victim to it. It has nothing to do with
having a low self-esteem; it has nothing to do with being weak. Some people
prefer to avoid confrontation; others prefer to solve their conflicts
peaceably; others simply are not good at physical fights. I fall into all these
categories. It did not make me a lesser woman then and it does not make me any
lesser of a woman now. I prefer to adhere to certain tenants and resolve my
issues in a different manner.
Although I know they
cannot hurt me anymore, their words buried deep in the recess of my young adult
life still manage to creep in my mind at various intervals. At those times, I
remind myself that I handled myself with grace and poise. I still wonder if my
tormentors ever feel remorse for what transpired that afternoon. Even if you
have never been on the receiving end of adult bullying, women, men and children
across the world should decide that enough is enough. Bullying can and has
ruined lives; both grown-ups and children have committed suicide due to
bullying. If you or someone you know is being bullied please know that help is out there.
Have you been on the
receiving end of bullying? If so, what was the end result?
