Valentine's Tribute...

On this day…

To my lover, personal poet, cheerleader, protector, defender, lawyer and confidant, my best friend. On this day you took my hand and placed a ring on it. You asked me to continue this journey with you. With tear stained eyes and a brimming heart I gladly said yes. A year later on this month our friends and family joined us as we celebrated the beginning of our new life together. Never did I imagine what a wonderful, exquisite and exhilarating journey this would be. Happy Valentine’s Day, my sweet love!

Genesis 2:18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

On love...

This month marks the two year mark in our marriage. We have learned so much about each other and are discovering new things everyday these two years. In him, I have found all that I was missing and desperately searching for (friend, lover, companion, teacher and confidant). It is amazing when someone allows you to see their soul and even more amazing when they dedicate their life to you. Although life in a small town can be difficult, it makes it easier when I look in his eyes and see the promise the future holds. I admire his attempts to make this place my home and I am working to show him that his heart is my home. Wherever he goes, there shall my home be. I think both of us are far better people married than when we were single. I may have hated law school, but now I know God had plans far bigger than the one I had. I am honored to be his companion and help-meet. 

To all my readers, from my heart to yours..
Whether you are single, dating, engaged, in a committed partnership or married...Happy Valentine's Day! 

Wedding photos are courtesy of the  fabulous Steely Joe Studio Photography and Benfield Photography 

Rumble in the Lipstick Jungle: The Reality of Bullying

It’s been several years, but I can remember it as though it was yesterday. I remember the frenzied looks on their faces, the barrage of yelling voices and the veins straining from their contorted faces and necks. I was alone, with my back against the wall. I scanned the maze of the faces and tried to find a solution of how to escape this estrogen filled jungle. To escape the hurtful words, the faces red with anger, the beautiful women made ugly by their words, actions and behavior. All I could think was: “Don’t let them see you cry. You have survived worse; you will navigate this densely populated female infested lipstick jungle. Don’t cry now, you will have time for that later.” So I stood my ground and let them sink me deeper into the quicksand. I prayed for the floor to open up and swallow me as they descended upon me. I was hurt that no one stood up for me. I pleaded with my eyes for someone, anyone to step up and say enough was enough. I looked at the other girls and realized they were just relived to not be on the receiving end of the barrage of verbal abuse. A simple Weekend afternoon meeting, turned into a full blown afternoon of terror and all I could do was remind myself that this too shall pass. As soon as I left the room the dam broke and I cried for three full days. My only vindication was that they never saw me cry. How could the people that I wanted to bond with tear me to pieces?

Fast forward to the present and the feelings have been brought back to surface. I watched the Basketball Wives Tahiti vacation fiasco and my eyes welled up with tears. I saw the puffy tear stained face of Kesha and my wounds were fresh again. Grown women tearing other grown women down for sport and pure entertainment value, what a sad concept. I kept watching, hoping that one of the women would stand up for the attacked. I kept hoping that this fragile and soft spoken woman would get a chance that I never had, but just like me, she was not so lucky. I cried as her bully took her personal effects and rendered her helpless. I once read somewhere that “The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of great moral crisis, maintain their neutrality.” What happened to lifting each other up? As I continued to watch the episode, my heartbreak continued…one down, two more to go. Spies spreading slanderous gossip, bullies spewing venom and those who had the ability to stop the attack became spectators of the hunt. Three women seeking acceptance but were destined not to find solace because they became the hunted.

Bullying is real and many grown women have fallen victim to it. It has nothing to do with having a low self-esteem; it has nothing to do with being weak. Some people prefer to avoid confrontation; others prefer to solve their conflicts peaceably; others simply are not good at physical fights. I fall into all these categories. It did not make me a lesser woman then and it does not make me any lesser of a woman now. I prefer to adhere to certain tenants and resolve my issues in a different manner.

 That experience set forth how I interact with other women, how I choose my friends and how I approach potentially explosive situations. That experience influenced my career choice. I enrolled in law school to advocate for those who have been down trodden and bullied by those who perceive them as weak. I accepted my current position to secure the rights of those experiencing verbal, emotional and physical abuse.

Although I know they cannot hurt me anymore, their words buried deep in the recess of my young adult life still manage to creep in my mind at various intervals. At those times, I remind myself that I handled myself with grace and poise. I still wonder if my tormentors ever feel remorse for what transpired that afternoon. Even if you have never been on the receiving end of adult bullying, women, men and children across the world should decide that enough is enough. Bullying can and has ruined lives; both grown-ups and children have committed suicide due to bullying. If you or someone you know is being bullied please know that help is out there. 

Have you been on the receiving end of bullying? If so, what was the end result?

                

Women of a Certain Age

 

I recently celebrated a birthday and I find myself constantly thinking back to my younger years. Of those years the only words that I can use to describe myself are bold, adventurous and brave. Funny enough, it is those times that I prayed the most for boldness! As I get older, I have become more mild and calculated in my decisions.

 

I had the occasion to visit with a fairly new friend. We laughed and squealed with glee as we talked about our undergraduate years.  We bonded over our desires to make a mark on this world. We also bonded over our desire to create a household conducive to having an orderly family life. Though she was a few years my junior, I listened to her concerns and marveled at how similar our plight were. I realized that we were women of a certain age. Our priorities had shifted with time. We were shells of our former naïve selves, and even though we relished our youthful times, we did not mind the grace and dignity that time and age had afforded us. You can recognize women of a certain age because they are endowed with the wisdom to appreciate their past (the good and the bad). Women of a certain age have the ability to look back at their experiences and realize that more experiences and lessons will come.

 

As I left the gathering, I realized that though at times I lament the passing of my youth,  I continue to hold on to the opportunities that being a woman of a certain age has afforded me! To all Divas and Divos of “a certain age” out there, relish and treasure your time. Live and be in the moment!

Happy Jamhuri Day!

Today, my beloved Kenya celebrates

Jamhuri day. December 12 marks Kenya's independence from Great Britain in 1963. Kenya has had 49 years of independence! This tough journey is being celebrated and commemorated by various agencies worldwide.

Check out Google’s tributeà

Also check out Jackstone Ambuka's

Tribute to Kenya on Jamhuri day.

Though I am not there, I am celebrating my roots and humble beginning by honoring those who fought for me to be able to live and travel freely.

Today, I celebrate frrreeeeeedooooom!(in my Braveheart voice).

I wish everyone in Kenya and abroad a happy Jamhuri day!

In true Kenyan fashion, I celebrate and toast this occasion while sipping a cup of piping hot Kenyan tea!

I leave you with the Kenyan national anthem.

 

 

 

                Happy Jamhuri day!

On Singleness

Here is another honest and insightful guest post by the Sophisticated Socialite on the subject of being single. I hope that this raw and interesting entry speaks to the heart of my single readers. It is simply not enough to be a “Diva or Divo in waiting”, live, love and make memories even as a single person. - PD

On Singleness

A guest post by The Sophisticated Socialite

Being single has its perks and its not so perky moments. I, like everyone else would love to meet the right person and start a new chapter in my life. What I have learned in my extended time of singlehood is that good things take time. So what’s the rush? Well, there’s peer pressure, family pressure and we can’t forget about the ever so faithful media pressure. All these things combined can be draining every now and then on single Divas and Divos.

Personally, the message I get from all these mediums of pressure is that my life will become complete once I have found the “one”. Though this is a very romantic way of looking at life, I have come to think otherwise. In my time as a single woman, I have been lucky enough to be surrounded by many accomplished women, most of whom are members of my family. All of these beautiful, successful women achieved high levels of success and reached their goals before they tied the knot. This brought me to the revelation that being single frees me up to do just that…go after my dreams. For me, being single means the freedom to do, be, live and chase whatever it is that I need to at the moment. I have started to pursue my passion of cooking, taking guitar lessons and even enrolling in martial arts classes. Singleness has afforded me the opportunity to serve God in the way that He intended for me to serve Him…right now.

No worries my Lovies, I do not plan to be the spinster sister with twenty cats. I will patiently wait for my big beginning. You know, the moment in the story of my life when I bump into Mr. Right at the grocery store, a bookstore or while buying my late night coffee fix at Starbucks. I can wait because I will enjoy this time to become more like the person I eventually want to meet. To all the single Divas and Divos waiting for that special one, learn to live and LOVE yourself before you can expect someone else to live with and love you!

XOXO,

The Sophisticated Socialite

 

Are you a Diva or Divo in waiting? What are some of the positive things about being single?

Birthday post!

Yesterday I celebrated another year in this world. It was my birthday and it was epic! I got everything that I wanted and could hope for. I have my health, family and wonderful friends. Hubby surprised me with two dozen roses!

 A friend of mine also gave my hubby and me two tickets to the Symphony. It was nice to be able to dress up from a grownup night on the town. In honor of my birthday, I decided to let loose. I ate ice-cream, pizza, cupcakes and veggie burgers galore! You know what? I only gained one pound (shhh, don’t tell anyone, it was just one day). I also had tons of warm wishes from friends and family alike. It was a great day. I hope this is an indication of the great things to come.  I am truly grateful for another year to hopefully achieve my God given purpose on this earth. To all my December babies, Divas & Divos, happy Birthday! May God bless you with many more years and blissful experiences. As for me, I can’t complain!
 

The Fence

So I left El Dorado, AR and went to Little Rock for a two day work trip. I was super excited to be reunited with my two friends (husband and wife) who recently moved from El Dorado to Little Rock, AR to pursue their fortunes in a big city. I was also looking forward to spending the night in their swanky new flat (it is nice ya’ll). As we neared their place, she suggested that we park behind her house and slip in through her back yard fence. This would keep us from having to walk really far with our shopping bags, groceries and an active toddler (she is adorable). The plan seemed sensible and being the lazy girl that I am, I quickly agreed (it had been a long day, a story for another blog). As we pulled in to the parking space directly in front of her back yard, I gathered my things and lined them inside the back yard, on the other side of the fence.

The back yard was encased in a wrought iron fence. The fence was much like the one pictured here except with slightly larger spacing.  First, my friend’s husband who is tall and slender slipped effortlessly between the bars to the other side. He then assisted his little girl who is equally as slender. As I handed him the last bag of groceries, I decided to cross to the other side. I cautiously put my foot through the bar. Except….something was not quite right. My thighs felt tight and the more of my torso that I added, the more resistance I met. Undaunted, I decided to try leading with my upper body. I squiggled and squeezed (I felt like I was getting a free mammogram).

Side note, October is breast cancer awareness month, ladies please make sure to do a monthly self exam. It takes less than a minute and it is free. For more information please visit  Susan G.Komen for the Cure . 

Platinum-Over-Silver Breast Cancer Awareness Ribbon Charm Bracelet (Google Affiliate Ad)

Alas, not even half a boob could go through the fence. Again, I decided to employ a different approach and lead with my entire left side. As I squirmed to get even a couple inches past, I had a vision of a scene from Lord of the Rings. The more I struggled, the more the scene where Gandalf yelled, “You shall not pass! You shall not pass! You shall not pass!” flashed through my mind. I finally decided to give up. My friend gave me an understanding but sympathetic smile. I stood there, wishing the ground would open and swallow me up. I couldn't dare to ask her to help squish me through, but I could not go on trying to squeeze through the fence, looking like Free Willy (you get this reference if you were raised in the 90’s). I simply did not want to try until I got trapped (that is not how I want to be featured on the 5 O’clock news).

The Lord of the Rings - The Fellowship of the Ring - Blu-ray (Google Affiliate Ad)

Alas, the skinny gods had decided that I was not to pass. I have read novels and watched movies where the skinny girl had a fat friend, but I had never really thought about it in real life. Then it dawned on me, I.was.the.fat.friend! (Ish got real…very fast). As I stood on the other side, looking longingly at the door that was only a couple feet away, I felt a wave of frustration well up inside me. Sensing my discomfort, my friend asked her husband if he would mind walking me around to the main entrance while she took the baby inside. He acquiesced and again effortlessly glided in-between the fence posts back to the outside. His wife picked up the diaper bag and she too squeezed her fit frame through the fence to the other side.

As we walked to the main gate, I felt a sense of sadness. How had this become? How had the junk in my trunk increased exponentially? How was it that I could not even dare to squeeze even one lovely lady lump on to the other side of the fence?

Have you experienced something similar or have you been denied entrance through the "fence" of life? If so, how did you handle it? Feel free to comment.