Thursday, May 17, 2012

Awkward Moments

Has there ever been a time in your life that you wished that the ground would open up and swallow you whole? Well, it happens to me frequently. You see, I have a serious case of awkwardness. A friend of mine used to highlight these moments by exclaiming “open mouth, insert foot!” after my frequent awkward and often embarrassing events. When those moments occurred, I would be extremely chagrined and time crept by at a chelonian pace. By now I should be used to it, but I am not. I should wear a warning sign that sates “Hi, I am awkward.” Yes, I am talking about me. My brother left me a voicemail telling me he found an internet show that depicted my life. He gets me. He knows that I am awkward and he accepts me. There are some awkward moments that are more memorable than others. I have detailed 20 moments below that have changed my life.

  1. When you think you see your friend, walk up behind them, give them a big hug only to realize that you just hugged a complete stranger.
  3. When you engage in the same acts described in #1 but this time, accidentally grab the said stranger’s boob, only to realize that you just assaulted a complete stranger.
  5. When you either accidentally “butt dial” someone or forget to hang up the phone and you not only talk about the person, but reveal intimate details about yourself.
  7. When you are a passenger in someone’s car and a song that you absolutely hate comes on radio and you want to change the station but you can’t. Just as you are screaming in your head for it to stop, your friend turns up the volume and exclaims how much they love the song.
  9. When you enter the restroom and realize that someone had committed WWIII, you turn to leave just as someone you know enters. You see the disgust on their face, you want to explain that it was not you, but are afraid that you would be confirming their suspicion by your denials.
  11. When you pass someone you know several times and are doubtful whether you should engage in salutations again for the 100th time.
  13. When you engage in salacious gossip about someone only to realize they are standing behind you.
  15. When you see someone again and even though they are extremely happy to see you their name escapes you.
  17. When you are happy to see someone again,only to realize they don't remember you, nor do they want to interact with you.
  19. When you are on a first date and your hair extension falls on the table in front of your very shocked date.
  21. When you are shopping at Wal-mart and you momentarily turn around and accidentally grab someone’s cart, but you do not realize it until you are at the checkout counter.
  23.  When you want to talk to someone, realize that your breath needs about 1,000 tic-tacs, but you have no gum or breath fresheners.
  25. When you are at a family function and are one of three people dancing. The rest of the party goers are sitting there watching and you feel you’re on display like an animal at the zoo.
  27. When you are the only one dressed at a nude beach and a completely nude man wearing nothing but jewelry walks up to you and offers you a margarita.
  29. When introductions are being made and you quickly jump up and speed through your part, only to realize that you skipped someone and the entire room erupts in laughter.
  31. When you hear a phrase on a TV show and begin using it, only to realize that it is completely inappropriate (thank you South Park).
  33. When you send a message meant for one person to an entire listserv.
  35. When you act inappropriately towards an individual and then see them in church the next day.
  37. When you take your car for an oil change but your car is so riddled with clutter, you are embarrassed to relinquish the keys.
  39. When you go up to the front of church for prayer only to realize that they mistakenly think you are there to join the church!

I have a memory bank of awkward and embarrassing moments. I have shared some of mine with you. You can read about other people's awkward moments here . 

What are some of your awkward moments?